Beautiful! My experience being mixed race is often felt in same same but different ways with what it means to be from a country where you don’t look like the typical person. You’re never quite accepted, you’re estranged from parts of yourself that typically look like belonging and yet you’re meandering through your identity with choices, twists and turns that were never your own making. Thank you for sharing this. These stories matter 🥰
Thank you! I’m glad it resonated — tbh it was difficult to write because of the uncertainty of all the feelings. In my rough drafts, I kept writing (??) after every line 😂 but I think that’s the point. A third culture identity does feel like uncertainty and doubt at times. Even in the scenes where it LOOKS LIKE you’re fitting in, the internal storm of belonging rages on.
My experience is even more complicated because my parents were third culture kids themselves — we are Chinese, but they were born in Myanmar because my grandparents fled China. So I grew up with them speaking Burmese and we ate Burmese food, but we’re Chinese, and American. Does that make me fourth culture lol? This didn’t even occur to me until this morning, after publishing… the writing did what it’s intended to do.
It’s important for us to talk about it in this way because, as you know, the need to fit neatly into a box is the default.
I love that you’re showing others in the same situation that it’s not clear or defined so they don’t have to either. I’ve learnt so much by listening to other’s questions and confusion.
That’s a meaningful message that we need to keep reinforcing 🥳 the nuances you’re exploring are also so important to understand. Not everyone with Chinese heritage are from China and speak Mandarin.
I am not mixed race so I cannot say I've felt this but I have been an immigrant in a couple of countries and the experience of being a foreigner (out of place) is something one doesn't forget easily or isn't allowed to.
I also had a Korean-American friend by the name of Amanda when I was in grad school and for some reason your photo reminds me a lot of her!
Thank you for this piece and a slice of your lived experience :)
Thank you for reading! Feeling out of place is what this piece is meant to highlight — and while the circumstances and specific feelings differ, I’m sure you’ve felt similarly being a “foreigner” in other countries, especially if you’ve lived there for a while.
As someone with quite a few mixed ethnicities raised in a place where only 1/16 of my ethnic background is at least adjacent to the natives - I feel you. And now raising my kid in a country neither my partner nor I have any roots in - I see that the third culture kids' stories are as rich and diverse as their origins.
Thanks for reading, and thank you for sharing your own experience! I love that you recognize the complexity of the environment your kid is growing up in. And acknowledgment is the first step to understanding. You are a great parent, judging from this one thing I know about you!
My dad was French-Canadian, my mom is Mexican, and I was born and raised in Canada.
I’m fluent in French because that’s what school offered at that time. I can understand every single word my Mexican relatives say, and can read Spanish with zero issues, but I never learned to speak it.
I once had two fully Mexican colleagues tell me I was a “bad Mexican” for not speaking Spanish. In fact, I heard them say it in Spanish before they told me in English. So I wasn’t Mexican enough for them, even though I understand the language and grew up with the food and the traditions, but I’m not white enough for an alarming amount of Canadians.
This is a kind of trauma that I’ve experienced since I was born and it continues to hurt me to this day. The “but where are you really from?” question, or worse, “but what are you?” still stings.
Thank you for sharing your story, it’s beautiful and helps me feel seen.
Ugh, not being called a “bad Mexican” for not speaking Spanish! I’ve received similar comments because I don’t speak any Chinese dialect. Not to mention the judging stares from the dim sum cart ladies when they speak to me in Cantonese, then switch to Mandarin, then sigh and switch to English.
“What are you?” is an even worse question, immediately implying you are an “other”. I hate this for us.
Thank you for sharing your own story. It’s important to share, to be seen yourself, and to make others feel seen. I’m glad I made you feel seen today 🫶 (but girl you know I “see” you every day)
It’s exhausting sometimes! And confusing, because of course I love being Asian-American. Did I always? No. Do I still have moments when I think “wow this would be so much easier if I weren’t?” Yes. Does it help that Asian foods and trends are “cool” now? Um, maybe? Idk?
I relate to this so much! Third generation Armenian and all I ever wanted in high school was Lunchables instead of yalanche and lamb 🤭 Now I am so proud of those foods! It’s funny how growing up makes you appreciate the texture you once tried to iron out or hide 🤍
Beautiful! My experience being mixed race is often felt in same same but different ways with what it means to be from a country where you don’t look like the typical person. You’re never quite accepted, you’re estranged from parts of yourself that typically look like belonging and yet you’re meandering through your identity with choices, twists and turns that were never your own making. Thank you for sharing this. These stories matter 🥰
Thank you! I’m glad it resonated — tbh it was difficult to write because of the uncertainty of all the feelings. In my rough drafts, I kept writing (??) after every line 😂 but I think that’s the point. A third culture identity does feel like uncertainty and doubt at times. Even in the scenes where it LOOKS LIKE you’re fitting in, the internal storm of belonging rages on.
My experience is even more complicated because my parents were third culture kids themselves — we are Chinese, but they were born in Myanmar because my grandparents fled China. So I grew up with them speaking Burmese and we ate Burmese food, but we’re Chinese, and American. Does that make me fourth culture lol? This didn’t even occur to me until this morning, after publishing… the writing did what it’s intended to do.
It’s important for us to talk about it in this way because, as you know, the need to fit neatly into a box is the default.
I love that you’re showing others in the same situation that it’s not clear or defined so they don’t have to either. I’ve learnt so much by listening to other’s questions and confusion.
That’s a meaningful message that we need to keep reinforcing 🥳 the nuances you’re exploring are also so important to understand. Not everyone with Chinese heritage are from China and speak Mandarin.
Here’s to not fitting neatly in a box and learning to be ok with it 🥂
I am not mixed race so I cannot say I've felt this but I have been an immigrant in a couple of countries and the experience of being a foreigner (out of place) is something one doesn't forget easily or isn't allowed to.
I also had a Korean-American friend by the name of Amanda when I was in grad school and for some reason your photo reminds me a lot of her!
Thank you for this piece and a slice of your lived experience :)
Thank you for reading! Feeling out of place is what this piece is meant to highlight — and while the circumstances and specific feelings differ, I’m sure you’ve felt similarly being a “foreigner” in other countries, especially if you’ve lived there for a while.
And what can I say, Amandas are awesome 💁🏻♀️
As someone with quite a few mixed ethnicities raised in a place where only 1/16 of my ethnic background is at least adjacent to the natives - I feel you. And now raising my kid in a country neither my partner nor I have any roots in - I see that the third culture kids' stories are as rich and diverse as their origins.
Thank you for sharing yours!
Thanks for reading, and thank you for sharing your own experience! I love that you recognize the complexity of the environment your kid is growing up in. And acknowledgment is the first step to understanding. You are a great parent, judging from this one thing I know about you!
I feel this so much Amanda.
My dad was French-Canadian, my mom is Mexican, and I was born and raised in Canada.
I’m fluent in French because that’s what school offered at that time. I can understand every single word my Mexican relatives say, and can read Spanish with zero issues, but I never learned to speak it.
I once had two fully Mexican colleagues tell me I was a “bad Mexican” for not speaking Spanish. In fact, I heard them say it in Spanish before they told me in English. So I wasn’t Mexican enough for them, even though I understand the language and grew up with the food and the traditions, but I’m not white enough for an alarming amount of Canadians.
This is a kind of trauma that I’ve experienced since I was born and it continues to hurt me to this day. The “but where are you really from?” question, or worse, “but what are you?” still stings.
Thank you for sharing your story, it’s beautiful and helps me feel seen.
Ugh, not being called a “bad Mexican” for not speaking Spanish! I’ve received similar comments because I don’t speak any Chinese dialect. Not to mention the judging stares from the dim sum cart ladies when they speak to me in Cantonese, then switch to Mandarin, then sigh and switch to English.
“What are you?” is an even worse question, immediately implying you are an “other”. I hate this for us.
Thank you for sharing your own story. It’s important to share, to be seen yourself, and to make others feel seen. I’m glad I made you feel seen today 🫶 (but girl you know I “see” you every day)
So. Much. Resonates!
Just ... all of this. I feel you girl.
It’s exhausting sometimes! And confusing, because of course I love being Asian-American. Did I always? No. Do I still have moments when I think “wow this would be so much easier if I weren’t?” Yes. Does it help that Asian foods and trends are “cool” now? Um, maybe? Idk?
I love seeing videos of little kids proudly showing off their lunches.
Warms the heart!!!
Me too!
I relate to this so much! Third generation Armenian and all I ever wanted in high school was Lunchables instead of yalanche and lamb 🤭 Now I am so proud of those foods! It’s funny how growing up makes you appreciate the texture you once tried to iron out or hide 🤍